Navigating Family Disapproval of Therapy
You finally took the leap and started seeing a therapist. You’re happy with the progress you’re making and you mention it casually to your family, who respond with one or all of the following: “Why are you in therapy?” “Why can’t you talk to us?” “What’s the point of talking about the past?” “What a waste of money!”
Or maybe you’ve been in therapy for a while, yet your family has no idea because they’ve said negative comments about therapy in the past, and you didn’t want to bring it up. In many cultures, therapy continues to be stigmatized and talking to a stranger about family matters is considered dishonorable. Some may not even have an outwardly negative view about therapy, but they may not anticipate that you - their child, their partner, their mother - would seek it out.
You may have also tried to encourage your family members to adopt healthier communication styles, referencing advice from your therapist. However, they might perceive the mention of therapy, along with any changes in the (usually dysfunctional) family dynamic, as threatening.
When you're grappling with painful experiences involving a loved one - whether it's infidelity, a challenging separation, or complex family dynamics - the presence of a therapist can sometimes feel like an unfamiliar third party. For someone who hasn't experienced therapy, this unfamiliarity can heighten their ambivalence, as the unknown can be particularly daunting.
Whatever the reason is for others’ disapproval of you being in therapy - it’s frustrating. It’s sad. Your feelings around it are valid.
Approaching Your Loved Ones
It can feel deeply disheartening when someone close to you fails to understand or support your decision to seek therapy. Approaching the conversation with empathy and understanding is crucial. Here are some steps you may find helpful:
Share Your Feelings: Start by expressing how their comments or attitude towards therapy make you feel. Use “I” statements to convey your emotions without placing blame.
Educate: Help your loved ones understand the benefits of therapy and why you’ve chosen to pursue it. Share any positive changes or insights you’ve gained from your sessions.
Set Boundaries: If their comments are hurtful or unsupportive, it’s okay to set boundaries. Let them know that you appreciate their concern but that you’re committed to your therapy journey.
Accept Their Reaction: Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with what you’re accepting. Acknowledging their resistance, along with understanding and accepting your own response to it, can provide perspective and help you consider the most productive next steps.
Invite Them In: Offer to include them in your therapy journey if they’re open to it. This could involve attending a session together or simply sharing what you’re comfortable with.
Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who are supportive of your decision to seek therapy. This could include friends, other family members, or even online support groups.
You're not alone in encountering resistance from family members regarding therapy. It can be difficult to witness and accept their reactions to your decision, but releasing the need to control their thoughts and behaviors can lead to a sense of freedom. Consider discussing these challenges in your therapy sessions to explore and find ways to navigate and find peace within this complex dynamic.